Ending a relationship is never easy and there can be all sorts of factors that might make you want to stay, but should you stay together for the sake of your children?
We are all too familiar with the concept and ideology of the nuclear family, but what happens when the parents are miserable, the love is gone and the stress and conflict of the relationship impacts the kids?
Changing environments or care arrangements can have a major impact on your children no matter their age and that doesn’t even include the confusion and pain that comes from the actual break up.
So, at what point does the effect of a divorce on the children become a lesser evil than staying in an unhealthy and toxic marriage?
Most parents stay together because they believe that it will give the children security and stability, but kids can be more sensitive and susceptible to an unhealthy marriage than you think. Whilst separation and the change that comes with it such as changing schools or staying with one parent at a time can be difficult to adjust to, a child in an unhealthy familial environment can also be susceptible and effected by the stress levels, a change in a parent’s tone and the absence of affection and respect. A child can sense when somethings not right, and prolonging a relationship, compromising your health and happiness is not always what is best for them.
Some parents are afraid to hurt their children or confuse them, but parent’s who are not open about their relationship, that suppress or hide what they feel is almost like lying to their children – they’re pretending to be something they’re not. Don’t you want your children to be a part of an honest family – what do you want them to look up to and to value in the future? Together, separated or divorced, it is always important to be as honest as possible with your children. In saying that don’t drag your children into your conflict, seek professional advice on how much to reveal to them based on the child’s developmental stage.
Parents must look at what is best for them and the children in the long run. If the parents are unhappy and the relationship is to a point where it is effecting their mental or physical health and they can’t reach their potential of being a good parent, something must change. How could that be in the best interests for the children? Although divorce should not be your first solution, counselling and seeking help from professionals is essential.
Even though there is the probability that your children are going to grieve the separation and may want you to get back together, it is best to focus and ensure them that it is best for everyone in the long run.
Not all divorces are peachy and amicable, that’s why the family court is there. However, the Court process is long, expensive, stressful, complicated and it can definitely take its toll on the children. So in some cases avoiding the divorce until the children are older or will be less effected could be the better option especially if you can live in harmony. There could also be the possibility that the divorce process is much more stressful than staying together amicably for a certain amount of time.
It is essential to get advice and help from professionals regarding the best interests for you and your family. Even during the divorce process get professionals to help you every step of the way, this can be done with mediation or collaboration.
This is not legal advice, for more information regarding parenting and separation please contact us on 8999 1800.
Written by: Elizabeth Bruce
Supervised by: Pamela Cominos
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